Awkward Silence
by Paz Enai
Summary: The five go out on a little vacation, but it ends up being a tretcherous mess. About Duo from no particular POV. No pairings. Loss.
1. Chapter 1

Awkward Silence, Part 1: The Incident

By Paz Enai

Disclaim: Dont own WG. Dont own it's chars. Its my plot, please tell me if you like/hate (in a nice, constructive crit way).

* * *

I pretend not to know why it happened, though I understand fully. I try to pretend it never happened, but I can't. I try to live like nothings changed, when it oh-so-clearly has. I try to think of a way I could've prevented it. The more I try, the more I realize there really wasn't anything anyone could have done about it. And that's why I can't get it out of my head, even after three years. I still think he'll call someday and ask to go do something 'exciting'. I've even caught myself waiting for the call, just to catch myself and realize that it's never going to happen. I've talked to the others. They say they understand, judging by the looks in their eyes, its no lie. I wish we could just realize it's true… He's never going to talk to us, or hang out with us, or anything, anymore.

I just wish there was something I could've done. I wish there was something anyone could've done.

I wish he …

* * *

"MAN! It's so nice out! Quatre this was a great idea! We should've done this sooner! What better way to celebrate life than to go out _into_ it?"

Not far behind him Hiiro watched as Duo surveyed the bright blue sky and crisp, yet warm wind, the kind you could only get authentically on Earth. It was almost as if the Earth had trademarked and copyrighted such days so that it could control the demand well enough to make all things happy by such a perfectly timed, perfect day.

"It's nice."

"It's almost eighty degrees," he shouted gleefully, spinning to face the other man and eliciting chuckles from the living/sitting space beyond, "there's a GOURGEOUS breeze, there are birds chirping-that's big for a colonist- and it's actually sunny! This isn't nice, Hee-man, this is bliss!"

Smiling a little more wholly this time, Hiiro made a slight shrug before pushing past his American friend onto the deck. Duo walked back inside, on the arduous taste of convincing everyone to get outside, all except Wufei, who was cooking up something Chinese that had scent so strong and so good it was making everyone's stomachs growl. For this very reason they didn't fight too much as Duo practically pushed and shoved them to the wide paneled doors.

"I agree Duo, it is amazing out!" Quatre practically yipped in glee. True his voice was lighter than some of the rest of theirs, but it was most certainly no longer that cracking mess it was back when they all met.

Twenty-four years old and looking for an excuse to leave his god-forsaken office, Quatre had called them all up individually from their scattered places of dwelling and asked not if, but when they'd be able to take an extended vacation. Knowing the five of them as he did, Quatre knew that whatever dates he offered they were bound to take and work out the details later, after all, it had been a while, with Christmas now months past.

"Hmm, this would be a nice day for a hike, don't you all agree?" Inquired Wufei from the porch doors, with one hand in his gene pocket, other clasping a stirring spoon. "I just wanted to tell you that it's about done, if you wanted to get plates or something ready."

"Ah, thank you." Quatre replied for the rest of them and they all filed back in, except Duo.

"I'll be right in guys. It's too nice to pass up just yet," he said with a smile on his face and turned back to look over the yard of finely grown and mowed lawn that lead up to the forest beyond.

Quatre thought there was something odd in the way his smile had tilted, or perhaps in the way he turned, but assuming he had imagined it in all their excitement of being together again, he continued walking inside.

Shortly thereafter Duo came back in and helped them clear and set the table. They all ate a quick meal and decided to go for a walk, deciding a hike would make a better evening activity. Down to the lake they went and spent the most of the day. Being so far removed from other people was nice, especially when it could be just the five of them. No news, no work, no nothing but themselves.

* * *

"This isn't fair guys, I don't know how to cook!"

"Duo, we all agreed to take turns cooking meals. You agreed too," Hiiro badgered him.

"Actually, I think I was the unrepresented minority," He huffed back randomly picking up spices and reading the labels, putting some back, setting others aside. "I hope you guys don't mind being guinea pigs then…"

"I'm sure we'll live, we've fared worse," Hiiro said with a hint of a smile as he was about to leave Duo to his task. Barely audibly Hiiro though he heard something along the lines of 'You're lucky you can think that way about food.' He would've stopped to ask Duo what he meant, but he left at that moment to get dishes for cooking.

* * *

"Duo wake up, you've been asleep for almost fourteen hours already!" Wufei called for about the eleventh time that morning. He was standing on the outside of Duo's door in the cabin and had a posture of growing annoyance at the Americans lack of response.

Then he heard a groan and a stir and sighed. "Duo!"

"Lemme sleep. I don't ever seem to get enough sleep at home… It's vacation isn't it?"

"You can't honestly be this tired after that hike yesterday. Do you want breakfast or not? Quatre's cooking, you know?"

There was an assortment of sounds following that and then faint footsteps were heard. The door creaked open and Duo's head popped out. From what Wufei could tell he was just in his boxers.

"What do Arabians eat?"

"You'll have to see. I really couldn't tell you." Wufei shrugged lightly, smiling lightly at Duo's appearance.

"Hey, don't make fun of my bed hair you!" Duo called back, catching on. "You got long hair too!" and with that he reached forward and roughed up Wufei's hair.

"HEY!"

And with that they were off. Duo took off down the hall, Wufei close on his heals, both with hair down and utterly messed up.

"HIIRO! Open the door quick!" Duo yelled to the confused Japanese, who, seeing the two rushing for the back door, complied quickly.

"HEY, be careful guys! Do you want us to have to call damage control!" He called after them.

* * *

"Aww man! Now I'm tired again!" Duo said loudly as they finally sat for breakfast-if that's what a noon meal could be called.

"Tch, you've gotten lazy, Maxwell." Retorted Wufei, who was still slightly flushed from the excitement.

"Yeah well, if I have, " Duo started, lifting his head from its resting place on the table, "it's cause there's no need not to be anymore."

Wufei merely shrugged, true as it was.

"Here you go guys. I'm not sure if you'll like it or not, But it's the best I could come up with. I'm not all that great a cook," Quatre apologized before plates even made it to the table.

"Q-man, I'm sure it's fine," Duo said, taking a small plateful as soon as Quatre joined them at the table.

"I don't know. Maybe."

Once plates were filled up they each tried their pieces, Quatre watching curiously for their reactions. Duo seemed to be the most picky about it at first, but seemed to enjoy it most afterwards.

"I think I want the recipe Quat!" Duo said with a smile when he finished.

"I think it's a little bland of flavor, but I also think that's how it's supposed to taste, am I right?" Trowa asked, taking a smaller second helping.

"Thanks Duo. Yeah, it's not bland, well not to me. You just have to learn to taste the different parts. You're supposed to dip that bread in the custard, like Duo is, though you're not supposed to eat it off the serving plate, like he is…"

"Really, I was eating it right? Here I thought I was being creative!"

* * *

"I don't know Duo, I don't think it was that bad overall," Wufei stated leaning back heavily on his chair.

"You sure. I don't think my body liked it…"

"You're just saying that because you don't like my cooking," Hiiro teased.

"Oh you're just being silly, Duo!" Quatre replied, "But I guess if you didn't like it you didn't like it, right? Not a soup fan?"

"Not really, no."

Wufei, who was sitting across from them leaned forward, a look of surprise on his face, was that a look of pain he'd just see upon Duo's face. Looking over to Quatre with his eyes he was sure that he'd seen it as well.

"Duo, are you alright?"

"Fine."

"Duo are you sure," Quatre tried to worm some information out of him.

The other two, who had been taking about something mechanical, were oblivious to the sudden ordeal and looked over suddenly with confused faces.

"Don't worry. I'm fine."

"Are you sure Duo?" Wufei asked at the same time that Hiiro spoke up: "Hey, what's the matter?"

"Yeah, I'm cool. I just need a nap…" he said and started to get up.

Wufei and Quatre exchanged worried looks, but the others remained silent.

"No really guys, I'm fine. It just happens sometimes, is all. I'll sleep and be better."

"Duo," Wufei started, "You've been sleeping a lot."

Quatre moved then to try to get Duo to sit, but instead caused him to flinch away. Now there were worried looks on all their faces.

"I get jumpy when I don't feel good. Really, I'll be fine, guys," he said and started to walk to the hall, slowly. In fact he walked so slowly that Hiiro, on impulse, got up and grabbed him by the elbow so he wouldn't collapse.

Duo didn't react to the touch, almost as if he expected it, or didn't notice it.

"I'm fine… Just a little icky feeling, and maybe a little dizzy."

"Duo, that is not fine!" Wufei yelled, not to be mean, just worriedly, as he stood up and went to help Hiiro. "Maybe we should take you to the hospital?"

"NO!" Duo shouted turning with an uneven movement to face Wufei. "That's not for now. I'll be fine. It happens all the time, I just never can predict it. There just must've been too much salt in the food. Let me sleep and drink my water and I'll be just fine again when I wake up. I promise."

"Duo…How long have you been-" Trowa started, but was cut of by Duo's waving hand.

"Doesn't matter. Hiiro, can you help me to my room?"

Hiiro nodded and obliged. Water was brought and Duo fell, most promptly, asleep.

* * *

"What does he mean 'too much salt'? It anything the soup was salt-less."

"I don't know Wufei. I'm glad we noticed his reaction though… As I think back on it, I have this bad feeling that he's been trying to hide this from us all along."

"I agree. When he was making dinner he said something about me not having to worry about what I eat, or something…"

"We've been here for four days together, how could we not have noticed?" Wufei added.

"Now what I think about it, he hasn't been eating much…" Trowa admitted, sounding defeated.

"And sleeping a lot" Wufei added.

"Do you guys think there's something clinically wrong with him?"

"Maybe. He seemed really against going to the hospital. Maybe he's trying to hide from the hospital, or maybe he ran away?" Quatre thought out loud.

"Do you really think he'd do that?" Trowa asked, looking up.

"He was a thief at one point, wasn't he? I think I remember him alluding to that at some point before."

Hiiro's comment was the last one followed by almost twenty minutes of silence. There was a muffled noise down the hall and they looked up.

"Did Duo get up?"

Before anyone could answer the question the door creaked open and way-too-pale Duo peeked through leaning against the doorframe. In something that hardly resembled any form of human voice he croaked out, "Okay… You were right… Hospital."

As if broken out of a trance at the conclusion of his broken sentence, they all leapt up and got to action. Hiiro and Wufei walked over to him and helped him down the hall into a chair while Trowa and Quatre searched for car keys, anyone's.

"Duo, what-"

"Hurry. It wasn't bad. Mild paralysis stroke…Alergy…"

"You had a stroke! DUO-"

"Shh my allergy… Too much salt." He cut Hiiro off.

"You're allergic to _salt?_!" Wufei said too loudly, as it caused Duo to flinch in pain.

"We have keys. My car" Quatre called out, and they all moved.

"Allergic… Hypersensitive…"

"Duo, be quiet, if you're hypersensitive to salt talking is going to dry you out." Hiiro stated as he, almost single-handedly lifted Duo to his feet. "Christ, you're light!"

It sounded as though he was about to apologize so Wufei called to the others that they were coming, and he fell silent again. Trowa grabbed a bunch of water bottles and met the rest of them at the car. It was only a five passenger, but Wufei and Hiiro had come to silent agreement that Duo would lay across them so he could sleep, water bottles handy for when he woke up in dry coughing fits.

"How much further Quatre, he's getting worse."

" I know, I know! The towns there, you can see it from here, on that hill. Five minutes tops."

"Punch it then!" Wufei yelled at him, startling Quatre into doing just that, not that they weren't going fast enough as it was.

Trowa, who had apparently been on his cell phone, mentioned now, "I called ahead. If we didn't we'd probably have to wait a good while, even this far in the middle of nowhere."

No one said anything, but they were all thankful.

"Hiiro. Hold him firm-"

"Wha-"

"DO IT!" Wufei yelled. No sooner as Hiiro obliged awful chills- seizures, almost- racked Duo's body. Hiiro would've asked Wufei how he noticed, but he was trying his hardest to not hurt Duo more than he already was.

* * *

Let me know what you think about it or what you think'll happen. I wanna know if it's turning out how you think it will and if that's how it really is. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Awkward Silence **

Part 2  Paz Enai

_I appologize to anyone who was waiting on the edge of their seats (I doubt there were many)_ _but here is the final installment._

* * *

Hiiro was stunned. He wasn't sure how Wufei had been able to predict what had happened, but he was glad that the he had. To day the least, he was thrilled when the pseudo-seizures ended. As they were stopping Duo let out a small sound and the two Asians exchanged looks. 

Helplessness; it was what helplessness sounded like.

Duo's eyes were closed, and he seemed to be trapped- either in a nightmare that echoed his prior pain, or was still in some forms thereof.

"Shi-" Trowa, who was evidently looking back at the three of them, hissed. "Quatre…"

"I know; the pedal's down as far as it can go!" Quatre cried out desperately.

They all fell silent. Subconsciously Duo must have sensed the silence because his body relaxed a little, though soon after it shivered again. This time the shivers were more like he was cold, however. Wufei and Hiiro looked for something to cover him with, but by the time they found something they were already at the hospital.

By this time Duo seemed fine. It was as if he was sleeping except, as Wufei realized, "His breathing seems really shallow."

"Get him inside. Wufei, come on. I can't carry him by myself without hurting him." But at this point an ambulance staff ran out asking if they were the group that had called and, noting Duo's position, called in for someone to get a gurney. When it came out the nurse assistant had already taken down all the information that the boys could come up with.

"Is that all you guys know?"

"He never told us anything. That's all we saw."

She looked a little disappointed at the lack of information, then replied, "I can understand his paleness, his dryness and his shock due to the allergy, but not the rest of it, and not for this long. The waiting room is there, only family can follow me, are any of you family or spouse?"

There was no response at first, and then Quatre spoke up "We're the only family he's ever had."

"I'm afraid that's not good enough, please wait out here. If he's unresponsive a nurse may come out to ask you for more information." And she took Duo behind the doors into the emergency department.

"At least it wasn't backed up today," Trowa thought out loud. No one responded though.

No one sat either, instead they stood against the nearest wall, crossed their arms or put their hands in their pockets and thought. After some time Hiiro spoke up "She did say that there might be more wrong with him, right?"

"Yeah."

"Why wouldn't he tell us anything?" Quatre, voice now trembling, asked.

"… No offense Quatre, but if it was me, I'd probably try to do what Duo did. I bet he was afraid that if he told us what it was, he'd have to live with the fact that we might treat him differently. I guess he just wanted to be accepted. I have to admit, I'm rather jealous of his strength," Wufei admitted.

"I have to agree with Wufei," but Hiiro stopped there. If he had anything else to say he didn't make it known. Though he seemed too deep in thought to have noticed he spoke at all.

* * *

"Sorry to interrupt you gentlemen, but I need some information on your friend. Name?" 

"Duo Maxwell"

"Age, closest relative, date of birth, home address, and if you know it, General Practitioner, insurance agency, spouse, children."

Hiiro looked up to her. The others made it clear that Hiiro should reply, by merely looking away from her, and he slowly answered, "Age unknown, orphan, not applicable, we're not sure- we just know his contact number. I'm not sure of the rest. I do, however, know his social security information."

She gave him a look of disbelief, but at that moment Quatre lost control of his overly empathic nature and fell to his knees crying. She suddenly believed him.

"Shit… I'm going to need that information from you then. We need to contact his G.P. as soon as possible, he's not getting any better, and we don't know if it's still based on the allergy or not, since it's all we know about," She said as she led him away.

* * *

When Hiiro came back, Trowa had settled Quatre into a seat and was kneeling in font of him trying to calm him down a little. Wufei was still perched against the wall, but wasn't exactly on Earth at the moment, as his eyes were gazing portholes to another dimension. Hiiro joined him at the wall. 

"They were on the phone when I was filling out the information, apparently the call was more important than his billing data, which makes me at least a little more relieved," he said to, mainly, himself. Wufei nodded and Trowa looked over, and then there was silence again.

* * *

It had been many hours, and every so often a nurse or someone would come to let them know Duo's progress. He seemed to be getting better, but the way they were talking was making the four of them uneasy. 

Finally, Wufei spoke up, on one such instance, "You keep telling us that 'He's looking better', or 'we know the cause of his chills, so they are stopping now' or whatever the Hell it is, but how come each time you come back here it sounds more and more like he's never going to leave?"

The nurse was silent a while, then replied, "He asked us to respect his wishes to talk to you in person. You boys have been here for almost six hours, it's late, please go home, eat, rest and come back during visiting hours later."

Grumbling Wufei got up. "Fine we'll leave, but you know we aren't going to be able to rest, much less sleep. I personally know that if I eat it'll make me feel worse and sick, and I want _you_ to know that we are **not** boys. Fight a war where everyone wants _you_ dead and come out alive and tell me how **boyish** you are when it's over."

This night was the second quietest the four of them would ever come to know. They had many questions and many worries. Nothing was sitting right, it was just a big mess of 'what if' and 'why' questions with no real answers, just more questions. What if Duo never left the hospital? What if Hiiro had accidentally poisoned his best, and first, friend? Why wouldn't they tell them anything, and worse, why had Duo told them not to?

It was very unsettling. And Wufei was no liar when he said no one would rest that night. They all just sat on the couches in quiet contemplation. No one moved; no one spoke. They just sat in their own thoughts and worried more.

The next morning came fast, and they were waiting to go in as soon as the doors opened. The night staff was still there, and they frowned upon seeing the four there, evidentially aware of their lack of rest.

"How is he?" Trowa spoke up first, feeling almost obligated to do some of the talking for once, he couldn't let his friends do all the hard stuff; it wouldn't be fair to them.

"Well he's awake. He's regained some mobility. He seems tired and dizzy, though and can't open his eyes for any length of time. Overall he's much better though…"

"If he's that much better I think it is about time you let us see him…" Wufei stated flatly. A nurse walked behind the counter then, apparently taking over someone's position. It appeared as though she was being briefed on the events and the four young men that wouldn't leave.

"…I know, please give us some time to switch our watch over though… We'll make sure they let you through. Please take a seat, and for God's sake, eat something," said the male nurse.

They all took their seats. When it was clear to the man that they weren't going to move until he let them behind the doors he made them coffee and brought it over to them. "Just give us a few more moments."

* * *

"Duo? Hey…" Hiiro was the first in the room and the first to speak. 

The pale boy made an attempt to move his head to look over at his friend, but the attempt failed and he moved his eyes instead, trying his hardest to muster a smile, but it was weak by all standards and caused the others to frown more. Quatre tried hard not to cry. Duo seemed just as bad now as he had last night.

"You, ah, had something to tell us, I think?" Trowa stated while trying to summon all the strength it would take to not let his words falter.

Duo's almost-smile faded to a deep frown. "I wish it was just some_thing _but it's not that easy." He took a long breath; apparently talking was a bit of an exertion for him at this point.

"Don't rush yourself," Quatre said meekly.

"Yeah…" Duo replied sullenly. "Guys... I have to be transferred back home…and by home I mean my hospital…"

The others looked to him silently a moment, then Wufei and Hiiro went to talk at the same time with the words "what" and "hospital" mingling together.

Duo sighed. "I haven't been living on my own for…just under a year now…I-"

Quatre sat down, fearing the worst. The rest were still, but Duo was stuck on the words. He looked like he was being torn to pieces and his eyes wouldn't focus on any of the others' faces. He looked at hands or shirts, the pictures on the wall, the door, his feet and not faces or eyes.

Shutting his eyes he finally said, "Guys, I haven't been able to care for myself for almost a year now… I, for all intents and purposes, live at the Royal Hospital on L2's D4 block…I- In fact, my doctor didn't think I would make it off the shuttle before I passed out…"

There was more silence. It was like when you saw your friend get into a car accident, like watching someone die, like a casket. And it only got worse. With each passing moment it became more reluctant, more unnerving…more awkward.

"Duo, what's wrong with you? Why didn't you-"

"Quatre, there's a lot wrong with me. I didn't want to make you guys worry… I… You guys are my only family…" Duo opened his eyes, but looked to the door. Tears were forming on the edges of his vision. "I didn't want you to worry…" he insisted, "I wasn't supposed to live past the war…they told me if OZ didn't kill me, I'd end up dead because of my physical ailments… And they were already amazed that I'd made it past ten, or twelve, or however old I was at that point…"

Duo stopped. He was trying to hold the tears in, trying to look away. Trying to deny what he knew he had to tell them. Quatre wasn't so strong, and his tears silently streamed down his cheeks and onto his hands, which were cupped in his lap.

Hiiro was leaning against a counter for support, Wufei had fallen into the wall behind him and Trowa was grasping the back of the chair Quatre was sitting in.

"I guess even the Great Shinigami can-"

"Duo… Don't. Please…"

"Hiiro, it's the truth," and Duo turned to face his friend, eye to eye. "I'm going to die soon. And I'm scarred to Hell. It always takes things away from me right when I learn to love something… You guys taught me to love myself, so fate is going to take it away from me, once and for all. I never did get to tell you guys thanks, and I hate to do it this way but…" His own tears cut him off and his hands reflexively cupped his face, hiding his shame.

And the silence came back.

"Duo?" came the weak call from Quatre, "Why?" It was all the poor blond could muster.

Duo, who had calmed, weaker now than ever before, took his hands away from his face and instead wrapping them around his stomach looking like he was about to get ill or very cold. He took them all in with his stormy eyes.

"It's everything, Q… Everything is wrong my liver, my bones, my joints, my skin. I'm undernourished like Hell since I never grew up a proper life; I was an alcoholic at ten, I'm wicked anemic, I've eaten so few vital nutrients in my life that I never grew properly … and I've had so many untended injuries as a kid that never healed properly it's just…It's been catching up with me. Plus the hypersensitivity to salts and, to tack onto that, every time I have a food with a 'considerable fat content' I get so damned ill that I'm sick for weeks at a time, and trust me, it's hard to tell what does or doesn't have a 'considerable fat content' these days."

"…You don't still… the alcohol?" Hiiro muttered.

"N-no. Doc G made me quit." Duo looked away again, but then closed his eyes, looking more like he was about to get ill, "Had a harsh way of teaching me to stop… I don't think that was very good for me either…"

The first thing Duo realized was that it was suddenly a Hell of a lot warmer, then he realized it was due to an embrace and opened his eyes. It was Hiiro. Quatre had climbed onto the bed and was sitting next to him patting his back.

"I…guys…"

"Duo Maxwell, if you are about to apologize, God DAMN it I will-..." said a desperately trying not to cry Wufei sitting against the wall.

"I'm sorry I ended up opening up all your hearts, just to tear them apart."

And the silence was lost to tears.

* * *

"I hate to be the one that has to talk to you like this. I hate knowing that there's even a day that I _have_ to talk to you like this, especially so soon. I know you don't want to hear it, neither do I. But the fact of the matter is that none of us would be the people we are today without first having known you. We might've, for the most part, all met during the war, but it made a bond that was so strong that we could never seem to go for very long without being together again. We all knew that Quatre would make the plans, I would put them into action, Trowa would keep them in order and Wufei would make sure no one got in our way, but none of us would even have considered doing anything if we didn't know that you'd bring the fun." He looked down a moment then looked back up. "We all have our moments and we all have our temperaments, but that's all part of the bond that ties us. In my culture, we call it the red ribbon of fate- in yours it was destiny. The fact is that it was meant to be, and whilst this may have also been meant to be, not one of us will ever be the same henceforth. I wanted to tell you this at a length," He looked ahead of him now, and stopped. After being mostly still for a span of soundlessness minutes he continued, "but I admit that I can barely stand to tell you this much. I hope over the last few weeks I was able to tell you how it was that I felt, I know we all tried. It was hard, and it's harder now. You were the first one to actually give a damn about me, and I thank you for that. You taught me how to bring back the 'kind boy' everyone knew I was deep inside..." It sounded like he choked here. And he stopped to brush his hair back and then tried to rush the rest out, which made it almost unclear. "You've told us so much in the past few weeks that it makes me regret ever treating you bad, I know I have, I'm so sorry, but it's a little too late for that at this point…" 

There was a long silence; then finally "I can't finish this, Duo. Please, save a spot for me in Heaven, I'll be up there with you someday, I promise."

Hiiro Yui then promptly got up and walked away from the burial, eulogy unfinished, and let the papers fly away in the breeze. No one moved. It was just one, long, overpowering and awkward silence…

And it hasn't quite gone away since.

* * *

**_Paz's notes:_**

_I HOPE YOU ALL CRIED!_

_It was sad, I know. It was supposed to be. It also is a little rushed, but in a way it helps to emulate how quickly this seemed to have happened for the characters. How sad. Life's a bitch, ya know?_

_Also, my beta couldn't finish revising this part, as a close friend of hers was killed at the time I wrote it up (hence why it took so long to get up) and also I couldn't find someone else to beta it before it was released (now). If there are any resulting errors please let me know and I'll do what I do and fix them for y'all._


End file.
